From 2012 and 2013 blotters of the police department in Unalaska, Alaska, a town of 4,400 in the Aleutian Islands.

Caller requested assistance with a man who was threatening to commit suicide. The man told police that our island is worse than Alcatraz, and is a trap from which nobody ever leaves. He also expressed a great deal of disillusionment with organizational politics at his place of employ.

Man struck by falling case of frozen fish

Woman reported being able to see a man across the channel, beating things in the snow and then throwing them in the water. Officers found a disgruntled man who claimed to have been throwing his hat at a threatening fox.

Injured eagle wandering about a residential area

Seal stuck on a piece of ice

Man wished to report that he had been spanked by the assistant cook of the vessel on which he was employed. The captain, when told, laughed at the man, who returned to work only to be spanked a second time.

Deadliest Catch star urinating in puddle

Inebriated man darted in front of a patrol car while waving and performing a jig, then sprinted away.

Drunken sailor found wandering about on a dock

Small avalanche on Ballyhoo Road