From a Facebook post that was published in March by the Newport Police Department in Oregon.

Do not call 9-1-1 because you ran out of toilet paper.

History offers many options for you in your time of need. Seamen used old rope and anchor lines soaked in salt water. Ancient Romans used a sea sponge on a stick, also soaked in salt water. We are a coastal town. We have an abundance of salt water. Seashells were also used.

Mayans used corncobs. Colonial Americans also used the core of the cob. Farmers not only used corncobs, but used pages from the Farmers’ Almanac.

Many Americans took advantage of pages torn from free catalogues such as that of Sears, Roebuck. The Sears Christmas catalogue, four times thicker than the normal catalogue, could get a family of three wiped clean from December through Valentine’s Day, or St. Patrick’s Day, if they were frugal.

Then, of course, there are other alternatives: receipts, newspaper, cloth rags, lace, cotton balls, and that empty toilet paper roll sitting on the holder right now.

Plus, there are a variety of leaves you can safely use. Mother Earth News magazine will tell you how to make your own wipes using fifteen different leaves. When all else fails, you have magazine pages. Start saving those catalogues you get in the mail.

There is a TP shortage. Don’t call 9-1-1. We cannot bring you toilet paper.