From an undated entry in The Diaries of Franz Kafka, which was published by Schocken Books in January. Translated from the German.

1.

When I think about it, I must say that my education has in some respects done me great harm. I certainly wasn’t educated in some remote place, say, in a ruin in the mountains, against that I couldn’t utter so much as a word of reproach. At the risk of being misunderstood by every last one of my former teachers, I would gladly and preferably have been that little ruin dweller, burnt by the sun, which there in the midst of the rubble would have shone for me from all sides on the lukewarm ivy, even if at first I would have been weak under the pressure of my good qualities, which would have shot up in me with the power of weeds

2.

When I think about it, I must say that my education has in some respects done me great harm. This reproach applies to many people namely my parents, some relatives, several visitors to our house, various writers, one cook in particular who took me to school for a year, a crowd of teachers, whom I have to press close together in my memory, or else one will escape me here and there but since I’ve packed them so tightly together, the whole again crumbles away in places, a school inspector slowly walking passersby in short this reproach winds its way like a dagger through society. I will hear no contradiction to this reproach, since I’ve already heard too many and since in most of the contradictions I’ve also been refuted, I include these contradictions in my reproach and now declare my education and this refutation have in a number of respects done me great harm.

3.

Often I reflect on it and then I always must say that my education has in some ways done me great harm. This reproach is directed against many people, indeed they stand here together, as in old group pictures they don’t know what to do with each another, at the moment it doesn’t occur to them to lower their eyes and in their anticipation they don’t dare to smile. My parents are there, some relatives some teachers, one cook in particular, some girls from dancing lessons, some visitors to our house from earlier days, some writers, a swimming master, an usher, a school inspector, then some people whom I met only once on the street and others whom I can’t remember at the moment and those whom I will never again remember and finally those whose instruction I being somehow distracted at the time didn’t notice at all, in short there are so many that one must take care not to mention anyone twice. And I voice my reproach to all of them, introduce them to each other in this way, but tolerate no contradiction. For I have truly endured enough contradictions already and since in most of them I have been refuted, I have no choice but to include these refutations too in my reproach and to say that besides my education these refutations too have in some ways done me great harm.

Does one expect perhaps that I was educated in some remote place? No, in the middle of the city, I was educated in the middle of the city. Not, for example, in a ruin in the mountains or by a lake. My parents and their followers were until now covered with my reproach and gray; now they easily brush it aside and smile, because I have withdrawn my hands from them and brought them to my forehead and am thinking: I should have been the little ruin dweller, harkening to the cries of the jackdaws, flown over by their shadows, cooling off under the moon, burnt by the sun, which, streaming through the rubble, would have shone for me from all sides on my bed of ivy, even if at first I would have been a little weak under the pressure of my good qualities which would have had to grow in me with the power of weeds.

4.

I often reflect on it and let my thoughts take their course without interfering, but I always come to the same conclusion that my education has spoiled me more than everyone I know and more than I comprehend. Yet I can speak about this only once in a while, for if someone asks me: “Really? Is that possible? Is one supposed to believe that,” then out of nervous fear I immediately try to qualify it.

Externally I look like everyone else; have legs torso and head, pants, coat and hat; I was made to do plenty of gymnastics and if I have nonetheless remained rather short and weak it was simply not to be avoided. Besides, I am appealing to many people, even young girls, and those to whom I am not appealing still find me tolerable.