![Gwyneth Paltrow Goop Cruise](https://harpers.org/wp-content/uploads/2023/04/CUT-8-900x0-c-default.jpg)
Photo illustrations by Nicolás Ortega
Source photograph of Gwyneth Paltrow ©RB/Bauer-Griffin/Getty Images
They told me they couldn’t offer me an interview with her at this time. Fine by me—I didn’t want to talk to her anyway. She talks a lot and doesn’t say much. A Financial Times profile published on the occasion of her fiftieth birthday suggested we have her to thank for spirulina, celebrity skin care lines, the good divorce, blended families, sex positivity, and dry skin brushing (just what it sounds like). I’ve also heard she made yoga happen. This is all obviously ridiculous, flatly ahistorical, except maybe the celebrity skin care line thing, but that doesn’t matter—even if…