Readings — From the February 2014 issue

Foster Scare

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From messages posted over the past five years to the Yahoo group Adopting-from-Disruption, where parents of adopted children offered them for “re-homing,” also known as adoption disruption. The group was shut down by Yahoo last September, after a Reuters investigation into the practice.

Since our daughter could talk, at age two, she has told us that she wishes she was in a Chinese family. She’s Chinese, we’re all American. I had wanted to go back for another daughter from China, but this one is so hard to love that I can tell you with absolute certainty I will never do it again.

[Redacted] is an outgoing, polite, eight-year-old girl from Ethiopia. She has been with our family for two and a half years, but we have not attached. She has some behavioral and mood challenges, but the overriding reason for our disruption is our lack of attachment.

I’m allergic to anything that has a scent. The girls stole perfume and have now spread it around the house and in my new car. I’ve been physically sick for this whole time and have been unable to eradicate the smell. Anyway, we have finally decided to attempt to find a new home for the girls, ages eight and ten. They are wonderful girls 90 percent of the time. It’s just that the 10 percent is SO awful.

My daughter is seven and will need to be in an environment without children who could be manipulated or hurt. There would also need to be no small animals.

He attempted to play doctor with his younger sister in September and has been living with his grandparents since that incident.

I have twelve children, ten bio and two adopted from Kazakhstan. We have experienced problems since we got the boys. One or both of them are not for us — or we are not for them. We are fairly certain they should not be together, as they egg each other on and are generally cohorts in crime. I hate to see this in print, but the majority of their siblings hate them because of the damage they do to their things. It seems they particularly have it in for me — if I get anything new, they find it and destroy it.

I’m not sure how much information I am supposed to share here. He has only been violent four times in four and a half years. He is angry, but it simmers under the surface. He had one incident with our dogs that would sway to the sexual side but has not perpetrated anything on another human.

Our daughter is not an awful child by any stretch of the imagination. She has occasionally stolen food from home and school, and she sometimes wets the bed. If she is upset about something she will not speak and will ignore us for hours. She says she wants a mom and dad who really love her. I do not blame her.

After a little while, you forget all about his fingers. Cosmetically, they could probably use some surgery.

She is not at all attached to anyone in our family, and, most unfortunately, none of us even like her. It is difficult even to be in the same room with her. Her behavior, while not horrible, has left us not trusting her in the least. We must lock the bedroom doors to keep her from stealing. She has no conscience and slinks around the house, always looking over her shoulder. She just stares at us — especially our seventeen-year-old. It gets quite creepy.

She is manipulative and sneaky, and tells some outrageous lies. (Which is dangerous because she can seem incredibly sincere and truthful!)

I have a 14+ boy that needs a non–racially mixed home (sorry, but, sadly, he is racist).

[Redacted] is a people-oriented person with no social skills. He enjoys farm life but would also be happy in an urban environment. A single dad would be the ideal — he does not respond positively to taking direction from women. If there are other children in the home, they should be older. Dogs are fine. Cats have been harmed.

I need to find a permanent home for my fifteen-year-old daughter from Haiti. Two families have taken her in only to send her back. I have her bio sister and even she doesn’t want her sister back.

I am temporarily fostering a just turned fourteen year old adopted from China in May. Does not like sports, does like dance, a martial art, which one I forget. Does not appear to steal. Is a snotty rich brat.

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  • Berk

    This is incredibly depressing. People adopt hurting kids. They get a kid who acts out. The “parents” then want to get ride of them. They should have adopted dogs.

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