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December 2020 Issue [Readings]

The Umpire Strikes Back

From remarks made by U.S. judges in 2019, which appeared in the Winter 2020 issue of the Judicial Conduct Reporter, published by the National Center for State Courts. These remarks resulted in reprimands, censures, or suspensions.

The only time I’ve seen someone in your position take a case to a jury trial, it was an unmitigated disaster. You have the right to do it, but you have the same right to perform brain surgery on yourself.

You can’t down a couple of forties before you go pick up your children for a visit.

My children would never allow me to go to jail for any reason whatsoever. My children respect me so much. They would never allow that to happen.

The young black men—and it’s primarily young black men rather than young black women—charged with felony offenses are not getting good advice from their parents.

Ragtag organizations like Black Lives Matter tell you to “resist police,” which is the worst thing in the world you could tell a young black man.

When God tells me I gotta do something, I gotta do it.

If I were to believe you were that stupid, I would just have the deputy shoot you right now, because you’re not going to make it through life.

You’ve been such a headache, I was looking forward to putting you in the pen. And I would have paid fifty bucks to give you a beating before you went.

I do hope you fight for your life in prison every minute of every day. And that would be the only reason that I would hope your life is any longer than six weeks.

Sit on my lap if you want. No, no, I take that back.

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December 2020

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