Weekly Review
In Pennsylvania, a man crashed his Mercedes into a church, and in California, a man broke into a church, smashed furniture and bottles of sacramental wine for two hours, and set the building on fire. An Anglican vicar who was arrested for punching a paramedic and spitting at a police officer claimed that he had diplomatic immunity from the Vatican, and a man in Pennsylvania gave a group of Amish boys cans of beer and then rammed their horse and buggy with his car. “Rumspringa!” said the man. Read more...
Storms killed at least 10 people in Germany and caused the river Seine in France to rise nearly 20 feet.[1] The Louvre announced that it would close in order to relocate 250,000 works of art, a man on horseback was swept away by floodwaters, and more than 80 people were injured by lightning strikes at a German rock concert. “Nature is more powerful than man,” said one Parisian.[2][3][4][5] Scientists proposed making a synthetic version of the human genome, and NASA and the European Space Agency announced that the universe was expanding as much as nine percent faster than previously believed.[6][7] All 66 books of the King James Bible were translated into emoji and released as “Scripture 4 Millennials” by the translator B-).[8] Fires broke out at churches in Birmingham, Alabama; Brooklyn, Illinois; and Detroit.[9][10][11] In Pennsylvania, a man crashed his Mercedes into a church, and in California, a man broke into a church, smashed furniture and bottles of sacramental wine for two hours, and set the building on fire.[12][13] An Anglican vicar who was arrested for punching a paramedic and spitting at a police officer claimed that he had diplomatic immunity from the Vatican, and a man in Pennsylvania gave a group of Amish boys cans of beer and then rammed their horse and buggy with his car. “Rumspringa!” said the man.[14][15]
A lawyer in Arizona was disbarred for trying to persuade a prospective client to pay him in nude photos.[16] Islamic State militants in Libya accidentally revealed their location by complaining over the radio about cars playing Bollywood music too loudly, and a Scottish teenager hacked into the administration page of a North Korean social-networking site by using the password “password.”[17][18] A Tasmanian devil that recently received a pacemaker was returned to the San Diego Zoo; 40 dead tiger cubs and a dead bear were found in a freezer at the Tiger Temple near Bangkok; and in Belgium, a giant panda was born in captivity for the first time in three years.[19][20][21] In Tbilisi, right-wing extremists wearing sausage links around their necks threw grilled meat and fish at customers in a vegan café, and a naked-bike-riding event in Bristol, England, was rerouted to avoid a neo-Nazi gathering.[22][23] Presumptive Republican presidential nominee Donald Trump told the audience at a campaign rally in California that he had a lot of support among black people. “Look,” said Trump, pointing to a man in the crowd, “at my African-American.”[24][25] In Romania, it was reported that Vasile Cepoi, the incumbent mayor of the town of Dr?gu?eni, would be challenged by candidates named Vasile Cepoi and Vasile Cepoi[26]
The city of Sugar Land, Texas, unveiled a statue of two girls taking a selfie.[27][28] A cyclist in Australia was jump-kicked by a kangaroo, breaking three of her ribs and rupturing one of her breast implants. A man in El Paso, Texas, challenged his daughter to a duel.[29] In Connecticut, a driver who attacked another driver with a chainsaw at a red light accidentally cut himself and sprayed blood on the other man’s car.[30] In Pennsylvania, a woman at a drive-through fell out of her car, which ran her over, and in Florida, a man who threw a three-and-a-half-foot alligator into a drive-through window was sentenced to one year’s probation.[31][32][33] A businessman in the United Arab Emirates paid nearly 5 million dollars for the license plate “1.”[34] A member of an advisory group to the king of Saudi Arabia issued a fatwa against theft of Wi-Fi; Ammon and Ryan Bundy, who led a 41-day armed takeover of Oregon’s Malheur National Wildlife Refuge in January, filed a complaint after they could not get Wi-Fi on their iPads in prison; and a man who has been jailed at New York’s Rikers Island for five months realized that his bail had been set at two dollars.[35][36][37] A statistician in England found that British couples have less sex than they did 20 years ago, in part because they bring their smartphones to bed, and David Levy, an artificial-intelligence expert, warned that sex robots would one day increase humans’ performance anxiety.[38][39][40]
