Weekly Review

The government of Malaysia instructed women not to be sarcastic with their husbands during the lockdown. Read More

A technical officer at the World Health Organization warned that consuming alcohol was an “unhelpful coping strategy” for cabin fever. Read More

Convicted rapist Harvey Weinstein, the archduke Karl von Habsburg of Austria, Vice President Masoumeh Ebtekar of Iran, basketball star Kevin Durant, reality-television host Andy Cohen, actor Idris Elba, Bon Jovi keyboardist David Bryan, and Senator Rand Paul all tested positive for the coronavirus. Read More

Oklahoma governor Mike Stitt posted a photo of himself at a crowded Oklahoma City food hall captioned “It’s packed tonight!”; Stitt later deleted the tweet and declared a state of emergency. Read More

Tito’s Handmade Vodka urged the public not to use its vodka as hand sanitizer, as it has insufficient alcohol content to kill germs. Read More

Supreme Court Justice Clarence Thomas wrote a dissenting opinion to overturn a decision that he had authored. Read More

Police armed with locally produced slingshots were deployed to prevent Trump from being attacked by monkeys at the Taj Mahal. Read More

“Papa” John Schnatter retracted a claim he made last month that he had eaten “40 pizzas in the last 30 days,” admitting that he had been referring to eating “parts of pieces” rather than entire pies. Read More

In New Hampshire, Joe Biden called a woman 56 years his junior “a lying, dog-faced pony soldier,” which his campaign incorrectly attributed to a film starring John Wayne. Read More

A Mennonite accountant was charged with defrauding his Amish neighbors. Read More

At the World Economic Forum in Davos, Switzerland, President Trump said that he would not rule out sanctions against Iraq, where active-duty U.S. troops are still stationed. Read More

In response to a major volcanic eruption, President Rodrigo Duterte of the Philippines vowed he would “eat that ashfall. I’m even going to pee on Taal, that goddamned volcano.” Read More

A decorated veteran of the American wars in Vietnam and Iraq had his prosthetic limbs repossessed from his home in Mississippi when the VA declined to pay for them. Read More

A decorated veteran of the American wars in Vietnam and Iraq had his prosthetic limbs repossessed from his home in Mississippi when the VA declined to pay for them. Read More

Former Australian prime minister Tony Abbott complained on an Israeli radio show that the world is “in the grip of a climate cult.” Read More

A candidate for Taiwan’s Democratic Progressive Party cosplayed as a character from the anime Neon Genesis Evangelion at the Taiwan Grand Triumph concert. Read More

The House voted on two articles of impeachment; Australian Prime Minister Scott Morrison apologized for going on vacation; two Carnival Cruise ships collided Read More

The wife of the Chattooga County, Georgia, commissioner was arrested after pouring soda pop on a reporter’s head before the start of a budget meeting. Read More

A 71-year-old Japanese man was arrested after placing 24,000 customer complaint calls with his cell-phone service provider because he could not get his phone to play radio broadcasts. Read More

President Donald Trump signed a bipartisan measure that, for the first time, makes certain acts of animal cruelty, such as animal crushing, a federal crime. Read More

Police officers in Rome were investigated on allegations of accepting bribes in the form of pasta and gelato. Read More

An event for the book Triggered: How The Left Thrives on Hate and Wants to Silence Us ended after 20 minutes when the “groyper army,” neo-Nazi supporters who are fans of the president, heckled author Donald Trump Jr. and his girlfriend off of the stage. Read More

Vladimir Putin announced his intention to replace Wikipedia with a digital version of the Great Russian Encyclopedia to ensure the dissemination of “reliable information.” Read More

Alaska representative Don Young headbutted a camera in response to a reporter’s question about election meddling. Read More

An inventor in Australia denied preying on desperate farmers who would pay as much as $50,000 for him to deliver 100 millimeters of rain; he claims his service, whose methods he won’t reveal lest they be stolen by competitors, includes a bridge in the space-time continuum and the application of small, strategic amounts of energy to guide the butterfly effect. Read More

In Oklahoma, a man who had pleaded guilty to possession of cocaine with the intention to distribute had his 15-year sentence dismissed after it was discovered that the white powder he was carrying when he was arrested was powdered milk. Read More

In Billings, Montana, a team of sled dogs escaped from a training session and led police on a low-speed chase. Read More

The town of Garfield, New Jersey, was plagued by feral cats. Read More

A German court ruled that hangovers are a disease. Read More

A doctor filed a lawsuit against former Pittsburgh Steelers wide receiver Antonio Brown, who repeatedly farted in the doctor’s face and laughed about it, for $11,500 in unpaid fees. Read More