Weekly Review

A Missouri pastor apologized for calling his flock “poor, broke, busted, and disgusted” for not buying him a Movado watch. Read More

OnlyFans, a subscription pornography website, attempted to defeat its competition by bribing Meta employees to place rival porn stars on a terrorist watchlist. Read More

French authorities remain uncertain of how to assist a beluga whale in the Seine. Read More

President Emmanuel Macron decried Russia as an “imperial colonial power” while on a tour of West African countries that were formerly French colonies. Read More

A member of the Russian parliament claimed that blood tests on Ukrainian prisoners of war proved that they were super-soldiers created in American biolabs Read More

The general manager of a café in Australia fired an employee who, she said, “didn’t add any smiley faces” to a text message. Read More

A pregnant woman in Texas was fined for driving alone in an HOV lane after police refused to count her fetus as a person. Read More

A drone dropped a bag of candy near a group of children in Minnesota. Read More

The Ukrainian Ministry of Defense announced that a goat had set off a trip wire, injuring several Russian soldiers. Read More

A couple used a stroller with a baby in it to steal over $3,000 worth of ammunition from a Cabela’s in El Paso. Read More

A Missouri court ruled that Geico must pay $5.2 million to a woman who contracted an STI while having sex in a car insured by the company. Read More

Following public outcry over an event in Dallas, a Texas state representative announced legislation that would ban children from attending “drag shows and other inappropriate displays.” Read More

Following a campaign led by eighth graders, Elizabeth Johnson Jr., who was condemned but not executed for witchcraft, became the last victim of the Salem witch hunt to be pardoned. Read More

At the George W. Bush Presidential Center in Dallas, Texas, the former president spoke about the war in Ukraine at an event focused on “free, fair, and secure elections.”[1] After comparing Volodymyr Zelenskyy, whom he called a “cool little guy,” to Winston Churchill, Bush described Russian elections as “rigged.”[… Read More

A six-hour police standoff in Duluth, Minnesota, ended when officers realized that the suspect had left before their arrival. Read More

The former head of the Oklahoma Republican Party called for the execution of Anthony Fauci by firing squad. Read More

A black cat with abnormally large eyes and paws became the temporary mayor of Hell, Michigan. Read More

A man was charged with aggravated assault for beating his roommate in an argument over what mosquitoes look like. Read More

In Oregon, the trial of Nancy Crampton Brophy, a woman charged with murdering her husband after self-publishing an essay titled “How to Murder Your Husband,” began. Read More

A Russian soldier who replaced a plate in his body armor with a stolen MacBook was killed in Irpin, Ukraine. Read More

Two former soldiers in Germany who claimed that a fortune-teller had instructed them to interfere in the conflict in Yemen were charged with attempting to form a terrorist organization. Read More

A group of researchers released a study identifying the Dark Empath personality type. Read More

A new study suggested that half of all Americans alive in 2015 suffered brain damage from exposure to leaded gasoline. Read More

In Texas, a screening of The Batman was paused when a live bat entered the theater. Read More

“It’s a communist country, so [Putin] can’t feed his people, so they need more farmland,” said the Republican senator Tommy Tuberville. Read More

A Maine Department of Transportation helmet was found buried in seaweed on a Norwegian fjord. Read More

An 80-year-old nun in Los Angeles who stole approximately $835,000 from her school to fund her gambling habit was sentenced to a year in federal prison. Read More

A new study found that words are required to think about numbers. Read More

Gianni Infantino, the president of FIFA, argued before politicians at the Council of Europe that his plan to hold World Cups every two years could prevent African migrants from meeting their “death in the sea.” Read More

A Czech folk singer who intentionally contracted COVID in the hopes of acquiring a “recovery pass” to the local sauna died. Read More